The Management would like to point out that these are the views of James Bacon and not necessarily The Management herself. The Management, of course, posts metric tonnes of bullshit on a daily basis. Drama llama, me?
Live Journal for me is a useful way to keep up to speed with many friends and acquaintances throughout the sfnal world. I expect it's insular and I probably have met people with blogs or MySpace but cause I don’t do those things at all, as opposed to infrequently with Live Journal, I only have a Live Journal pontificate certificate.
So why don’t I like it sometimes?
Well last night a good crowd were chatting about things, including Live Journal, and I pointed out that this social activity far outweighs bleating on Live Journal, that bitching and whinging in company is far more humorous and less melancholic than on ones own in front of a screen. Booze and distractions also help-the bitch session is gone, and then oh look, there’s a nipple...in my mind at least, its moved on, the trouble exercised and actively talked about among friends is worth a thousand posts.
But it’s the negativity. Two friends of mine recently broke up, and I found out by reading their journal entries. Upon closer inspection there was obvious miscommunication because both parties were at odds over something. Fortunately my good friend Stef and I spotted this, unfortunately rectification of the issue was already initiated and therefore we cannot claim that by phone and common sense we helped these people. Well, Stef helped, I pointed it out, forced him to read the evil that he refuses to and promptly snoozed on his couch as he did the talkie bit by phone bit.
Do you remember that, the long phone calls, as opposed to msn. You can hear a laugh and tone that way. I used to sit on the stairs and chat all night with loads of friends. Now when I speak to someone from home, it feels really great, despite the fact I sent an email or read his or her post last night.
Anyhow, these two relationship breakdown people, who like me and others have issues, didn’t spend a tenth of the lineage space explaining on Live Journal that they are back together, celebrating and talking about how they, for now have a resolution.
The argument may be that Live Journal is a personal choice thing, and if people read it etc, that’s their choice too, but that’s only just about OK, because there are ramifications to what people actually post, truth blurs and I have seen it as a tool of niggling or just hatred expressed via the keyboard. So its more than a journal, it’s a public announcement system, whether you like it or not.
Stef, doesn’t do Live Journal at all, and feels its wrong and essentially traps people into thinking they are somehow helping themselves, when really they need professional counselling. Meanwhile I believe it is a true breeding ground for anti-social and unacceptable behaviour.
In the real world, over a pint, if people said the sort of things that they say on Live Journal, Accident and Emergency would be a much fuller place. Phrases, opinions voiced, or just god damn nastiness pervades some threads, and although we talk about splits and problems and all sorts of stuff in society, in the science fiction clubbish society I inhabit as a hobby, people occasionally go off the rails and wave chairs, but the insidious nastiness that consistently pervades through Live Journal over the years I have been accessing it doesn’t actually get that much light of day at the Tun or wherever in comparison.
Live Journal doesn’t exactly afford anonymity but it does protect one from actually having to face the tears in someone else’s eyes when you have upset them. Its easy to have an opinion or be bloody minded, you know you wont receive a smack in the face as you incite a response. I often wonder about some people.
Of course, I was once upset, by someone, I have their live journal name written somewhere, they decided it might be good to have a go at my spelling, which is atrocious, my spelling that is. But they don’t know me, really and wouldn’t comment on the way I pronounce or mispronounce something if I was in a bar. In Dublin we don’t say specifically. We say pacifically. It’s a use of language thing.
So, of course, I stored the anger up, and then one time when I was in England, Flick mentioned who the person was, and I realised that it would be a pointless fight, that my first blow could be my winning shot, and really was violence a good way to resolve the issue, well it is, but at the same time, probably best not, and I decided I would laugh instead, and walk away, as the person just was so pathetic.
Like "*hugs*" are pathetic. When friends break up its hard. When my best friend is having a cry, and is shaking and I give him a hug and we are probably half dressed cause I heard his sobs from his bedroom, as I sleep on his couch, during that immediate time afterwards and I must get up and go and hold him, as I have no idea what else to do. Or when that’s me. How can that hug, the one where you cannot do anything except hold, where your tears drop onto the arms of your buddy. How in God's name can that equate to "*hugs* ;-)" on Live Journal?
When I great people, I give a hug and a kiss, and I do so as people depart. When someone is upset, usually I talk, or listen, I don’t actually hug, usually that’s later, but I listen and query and poke, and then opinionate, and offer solutions, even when maybe just a listening ear is required, as I am solution-y sort of person. Worse is how people have used Live Journal actively and what I consider aggressively to target or insult or hurt ex’s. I know a number of people who hate the way Live Journal is a communicating point that they as individuals never had. PC vs’ Person and the PC wins. Is it any wonder porn is such an online industry?
Someone brought up something to get at me once, and it was really unfair, I thought, yet really mild and barely noticed, so some of the stuff that I notice, must really hurt. Then its there forever, for everyone to see, even people you don’t want to have seeing your dirty linen. There is little honour in Live Journal, it is a dishonourable tool way too often.
Of course, perhaps writing about your issues is a good thing, but is it really, with thirty people you have never met going hugs. Legitimising how you feel, and maybe one or two actually saying the right thing. This happened recently two, but I didn’t comment, but in person I told the person to grow up and get over it, like the one or two true friends. Stef always says, a real friend tells you when you need to chew gum.
Like usually a life situation occurs, then isn’t the best place for help back out there in life rather than the cyber pseudo psychiatry of a flat screen. Conversation cannot move forward as easy, people have too much time to think, there is no facial reactions, its just all so inhuman. A letter has so much more going for it than Live Journal.
Why all the negativity, why is it always the upsets and the bleating and the whinging, and not enough good stuff. Most friends I have on it are actually quite good, its mostly updates and what’s on etc, but others, jesus guys, go get some professional counselling or something.
Then there is the psycho behaviour I have seen demonstrated, the way people will knowingly seek out others who are avoiding them. Inoccuos posts so loaded with cyanide that you just know there is upset occurring elsewhere, but isn’t that the addiction, some even though they know it’s a gauntlet run they see it now as a communication resource, without which they are in trouble-or worse, might miss out that a friend is upset! And of course, if you react to others, it’s only right that when you yourself are upset you elicit and allow reactions from them. The downward spiral is not only slippery but it’s shitty too.
Perhaps there are many great aspects which I enjoy of Live Journal, and rather like communism (fuck it) it's humans who ruin the good paper idea. I don’t stop using it, but would much prefer friend’s real friends, to give me a phone call, or meet for a coffee, or chat at the Tun, and discuss, properly as only conversations in person can.
Like I don’t really know half my friends list, and I only really know the real names of about a quarter of the people who consider me a friend. Is that friendship? Such a belittling of such an important word. I suppose its good that Stef and Elvis and Mick and James Brophy and many many others aren’t live journalists, it reminds me there is a big bloody difference. Of course, James Shields and Flick and other true friends do post, but I can still draw my own true lines. As Stef would say, friends would help you move. Real friends help you move dead bodies.
Life can be good, just get out there and explore it, get out and talk, or get out and seek help or get on the phone or whatever, but can someone make Live Journal not such a melancholic place.